she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
