Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
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I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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