Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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