D3 body, D1 cock
Non-Jews are for practice
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
