then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
