i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
