Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
