Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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