I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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