I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
