Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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