I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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