happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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