I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize