So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
