This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
