just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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