She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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