I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
