HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
