found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
