I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
