I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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