Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
