I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
