Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
