You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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