The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
