Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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