My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
