He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
