..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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