meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
