I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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