That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
