I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
