he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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