just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
