My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
