Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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