I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
