Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
