Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
