One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
