Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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