i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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