xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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