My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
