You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's shark week go big or go home
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
