I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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