I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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