just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
