Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
