Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it hurts more in the daytime
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
