Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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