It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
