Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
