You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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