Already got asked if we're dating
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
