I can't breathe out the right side of my face
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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