You can't special order awesome
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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