so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
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I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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