Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I wish my penis had an off switch
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
