The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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