Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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