I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
