I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
