whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
