Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
