I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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