I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
