Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
