Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize